I'm not a good-enough writer to convey the anxiety that has washed over me so many times in the last couple of weeks.
When you put your mind in gear and start saving money it's a discipline. It's something you have to start paying attention to. You have to constantly be aware of it. It becomes a decision-making tool, challenging you to examine your financial priorities during your daily activities. "Do I really need that, or do I just want it?" You have to ask yourself those sorts of questions all the time. Every time you have a success talking yourself out of a purchase it's a small victory.
After a while it becomes almost like a collection. You start to treasure it and monitor it, and you do a little mental happy dance every time the 4th digit from the right clicks over a new number, knowing that your collection is getting bigger and more impressive. You might even become proud of your collection.
Then it backs off a notch, becoming more of a background thing--a kind of comfort zone or mental safety net. It adds a level of self-assurance to your life, knowing that anything short term can happen to you and you've got it covered.
Now it's all going away at once in the name of the home-buying process. While I'm beginning to get over it, I was a nervous wreck at first. What 60 year-old buys his first (well, it's my first solo...) home? Is that even smart? Given the interest rates these days, I'm going for it.
Tuesday, July 19, 2016
Friday, July 15, 2016
Force of Attraction
Have you ever seen someone that instantly commands your attention for some unexplained reason? Someone that makes you lock onto them, demanding all your willpower just to keep from staring?
It's a powerful thing, and it has happened to me several times over the years. What's odd is that every time it has happened I have failed to understand exactly what it was that caused my thoughts to come to a standstill. It was never some inordinately beautiful model that you only see in a magazine or anything like that. Every time it was a woman that you might see anywhere on any street or sidewalk, or in any store or office. Yet, each time there is something about them--something that held me. Who knows--maybe every time I've had that experience it was my soulmate!
For example, recently I was walking through the produce department at a local grocery store. It was a typical weekday late afternoon when people stop on the way home from work, so it was filled with shoppers. I wasn't there to "people-watch" though, I was there to buy things. Then a young lady walking into the area caught my eye. She commanded my attention for some reason unexplained. She was just your usual mixture of average-looking and nicely dressed, and she seemed indifferent to her surroundings. I couldn't help but look. There was something--some sort of force--that held me. What was it? Her glasses? Her hair? I watched her as she continued on, and when she rounded a corner and dropped out of sight I wondered to myself: what was that about? What just happened? I sighed and went about my business. I kept thinking about her though, as I wandered the store gathering the things I needed. Then, about 10 minutes later I saw her again in a different part of the store. It was the same thing as before, but the weird part was that I didn't see her directly--I saw her out of the corner of my eye. It was like her presence called to me and caused me to snap my head around. Again she had my undivided attention as I gazed on her. She didn't flaunt herself any any way, and I doubt anyone else gave her more than a passing glance as she went about her shopping. I ended up seeing her at least one more time before I left the store. As much as I would have liked to talk to her, she was probably half my age. Besides, what would I have told her--that she might be my soulmate? Haha, that would have gotten me blacklisted as a creepophile.
Still, there is that strange force of attraction that is hard to explain. When it happens to me I find myself drawn to her like there is a light shining on her and only I can see it.
Side note: This pondering reminded of an excellent article about soulmates here at BrainPickings.org. This is the kind of stuff that makes you think:
https://www.brainpickings.org/2014/09/02/the-science-of-soul-mates-xkcd/
It's a powerful thing, and it has happened to me several times over the years. What's odd is that every time it has happened I have failed to understand exactly what it was that caused my thoughts to come to a standstill. It was never some inordinately beautiful model that you only see in a magazine or anything like that. Every time it was a woman that you might see anywhere on any street or sidewalk, or in any store or office. Yet, each time there is something about them--something that held me. Who knows--maybe every time I've had that experience it was my soulmate!
For example, recently I was walking through the produce department at a local grocery store. It was a typical weekday late afternoon when people stop on the way home from work, so it was filled with shoppers. I wasn't there to "people-watch" though, I was there to buy things. Then a young lady walking into the area caught my eye. She commanded my attention for some reason unexplained. She was just your usual mixture of average-looking and nicely dressed, and she seemed indifferent to her surroundings. I couldn't help but look. There was something--some sort of force--that held me. What was it? Her glasses? Her hair? I watched her as she continued on, and when she rounded a corner and dropped out of sight I wondered to myself: what was that about? What just happened? I sighed and went about my business. I kept thinking about her though, as I wandered the store gathering the things I needed. Then, about 10 minutes later I saw her again in a different part of the store. It was the same thing as before, but the weird part was that I didn't see her directly--I saw her out of the corner of my eye. It was like her presence called to me and caused me to snap my head around. Again she had my undivided attention as I gazed on her. She didn't flaunt herself any any way, and I doubt anyone else gave her more than a passing glance as she went about her shopping. I ended up seeing her at least one more time before I left the store. As much as I would have liked to talk to her, she was probably half my age. Besides, what would I have told her--that she might be my soulmate? Haha, that would have gotten me blacklisted as a creepophile.
Still, there is that strange force of attraction that is hard to explain. When it happens to me I find myself drawn to her like there is a light shining on her and only I can see it.
Side note: This pondering reminded of an excellent article about soulmates here at BrainPickings.org. This is the kind of stuff that makes you think:
https://www.brainpickings.org/2014/09/02/the-science-of-soul-mates-xkcd/
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